he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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