sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize