When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
