Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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