My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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