hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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