So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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