His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
