I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
