I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
