Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
