You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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