I am puke
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
