Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
