You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
