people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
