just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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