but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
