How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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