I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
