Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
