You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
