Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
