I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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