All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
