I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
