the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
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