Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
