I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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