All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
