i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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