Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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