Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
and you fell through a lawn chair
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