Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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