haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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