This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
