did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you win again, gameday.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
