time to smoke my breakfast
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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