i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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