I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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