i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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