Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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