i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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