Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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