mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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