Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
