I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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