a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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