I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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