Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
