you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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