Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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