fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
