You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
