My sheets look like a crime scene.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
