Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
So squirting runs in the family.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
