Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
