i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
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Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
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I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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