Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
