He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
