btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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