I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
