the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
