Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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