Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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