you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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