I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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