He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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