Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
