tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
