Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
