It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Found your dick twin last night
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize